Entries for February, 2012

First love never dies, but to some the first cut is the deepest. In which apothegm are you?

First love is the first person who puts a beat to your heart. Someone like when you’re with this person, heaven is just a glimpse away. Someone who makes you feel like head over heels in love; but when you’re hurt because of your first love it could be the deepest, painful, and the most anguished feeling you could ever curse.

My first love is my bestfriend.  He lifted me up whenever I’m down and weary. He’s always at my side through ups and downs. He always makes me special. He made me feel that I’m worth loving. He even put me on a pedestal. He appreciates every piece of my work. He always tells me that I’m beautiful even I’m having a bad hair day. He always says that I’m sexy despite of my flab. He accepted the whole me. He is my rooster who crows a wakeup call for school. He is my spoon when I don’t want to eat. He is my camera that always takes snaps every single moment of my life. He is my radio who sings with me even I’m out of tune, but the song still carries us. He is my feet when I couldn’t stand up and walk. He is my handkerchief, nah not just a handkerchief but a comforter who always dries up my tears. He is my diary who knows every single minute occurs in my everyday life; but this diary is different for he reacts with me and gives me heartwarming advices.  He never left me with every struggle I’ve gone through; he even stood by my side even if I’m wrong, not  to spoil me but to  spell out my fault. And most of all, he saved me when I was drowned in my own valley of tears. That’s why I called him “My Angel”. On the other way around, I was “His Angel” too for I did the same way he treated me and I also changed him for the best, that was according to him; and I’m secretly falling for him. There was also a time that we already know each other’s emotions without speaking up at all. We know when one of us is sad, overwhelmed, mad, and every emotions that one person can feel. Nothing, we just know. For our minds and hearts are connected? haha. We also know each other’s deepest darkest secrets. Oops, wait; it’s not yet “us” that time. When he told me that he loved me before and loving me more and more every single day, and I also told him that I feel the same way, so we end up being together, officially. He made me feel like I’m the only girl in the whole world. He also reminds me that he’s so lucky to have me and my prettiness is just a bonus points for him.  How lucky am I to have this kind of boy, right?  I sincerely loved this boy with all  my heart, but that’s also how unlucky I am to have him as my bestfriend and boyfriend because when we part ways,  I don’t just lose my boyfriend, but also my bestfriend. He cut me a deep wound that I came to the point that I even used to curse the word “LOVE”. Because the pain he caused is a cycle of pain, he hurt me not once, not twice but several times. First, when we broke up, he said that we don’t deserve each other because according to him I am too good for a bad boy like him; second, he and his ex girlfriend who just hurt him because of third party, they became together again right after three months of our break up; a year after without any communication at all, he contacted me again for he has a big problem that he’s going to be a father with a girl he doesn’t even know and as stated by him he needed someone to talk to and wanted his bestfriend back, but because he keeps on adding  the pain in my moving on phase I decided to go on my own way; third, after aging months, his sister sent me a message that he had been in a motor accident and died. And the last one is a very sensitive matter that I can’t lay on the line. Rain fell from the stars… AGAIN...Sleepless nights, mind- boggling thoughts, swollen eyes, upset and weeping mourns. I can say that I have had moved on completely after aging years.

There, that’s my first love that brought me back drowning in my own valley of tears. My first love that brought joy and love back yet left me in the unfathomable agony that I even thought I couldn’t find blissfulness. Thanks to God that guide me and brought the happiness back in my life again. To my family and friends who’s always there to cheer me up and love me all the way.

Moving on is not easy. No one also says it’s just an overnight pill. You have to pass through all the phases moving on has. Acceptance has a big part in this phase. And you should allow yourself to mourn for it has a great responsibility in your healing process. I find it hard to move on because I was left hanging with so many questions and still hoping that everything would be fine again; until I got tired and numb of these sick things. I realized I have to be happy in my own way. I don’t want to take advantage of others just to erase him from my system. But despite of the pain he caused me, I still thank him for little by little, I learned how to love myself more; I learned to put myself first above anyone else; I learned how to defend myself. And most of all, I learned how to stand on my own.

Somewhere along the path you’re walking, someone is really intended to barge in who would make you happy yet who will just to put hardships on you, hurt you and even watch you fall; but along that path, someone is honorably designed and fated for your heart. Oh by the way, this happened four years ago, and I haven’t been in a relationship again after him. So, as for me, I’ve been through the both apothegms; my first love made me feel head over heels in love, but he cut  the deepest pain in me and left a scar that always reminds me of to love myself above all and a my true love story is in the making that will sweep off my feet. And God is the author of it.

And I will tell you every detail of it once it’s ready to publish.

How about you? I bet you can never forget about your first love. In which apothegm are you? Would you tell me about it?

Currently listening to: love is our weapon
Currently feeling: cheerful
Posted by uhreeelicious on February 26, 2012 at 02:16 PM | watchathink?

after aging years..i've come up to a decision to put back my page together again..

 

still thinking for an attention-grabbing template.(any ideas?:D)

 

but i'll make sure to write at least every single day..

 

ahyeah..buhayin ulit ang tabulas kooooooooo))) i missed this:D

 

 

Currently listening to: do you remember? by summer obsession
Currently feeling: artistic
Posted by uhreeelicious on February 26, 2012 at 03:18 PM | watchathink?

why is it so haaaaaaaaaaaaard to find a jooooooooooob?TT

Currently feeling: stressed
Posted by uhreeelicious on February 27, 2012 at 06:33 PM | watchathink?

Can you feel the love that summerTime we're in love then it feels rightOh now I, I cant wait for the summerTime stops as we move closerThe sun drops into the waterNow I, I'm falling into summer love
summer love  ♥ where art though?

 

Currently feeling: hopeful
Posted by uhreeelicious on February 28, 2012 at 01:39 PM | watchathink?

 

my mysterious friend is so crazy to do this..such a disgrace!lol!kahawig ko daw?san banda?ahahaha!

 

 

 

Currently feeling: crazy
Posted by uhreeelicious on February 28, 2012 at 01:51 PM | watchathink?
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